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Posts Tagged ‘loss of loved one’

A New Year and a Fresh Start

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on February 3, 2015| Leave a Comment »

MC900444925[1]It’s the beginning of a New Year. This usually means new goals and new dreams. But what about when all your dreams have been shattered. It’s like starting from scratch again. Just doesn’t seem right. Just doesn’t seem fair!

But it is what it is. And I have found that the beginning of a New Year has always been a good time to reevaluate my life, my dreams and my goals. If my plans weren’t working out, maybe God had something better planned for me. As it took me some years to figure out…His plans for my life reaped many joys and blessings.

An article I wrote several years ago was published last month on The Grief Toolbox website about how I managed to work in A New Year and a Fresh Start despite my grief of becoming a young widow.

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WIDOWS CONFERENCE IN FEBRUARY 2015

Posted in Grief Resources, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Do you sometimes feel alone in your grief? No one quite understands you? You are definitely not alone! There are many widows that are experiencing similar feelings and wondering what to do now. Please consider going to a Widow’s conference in February in Texas.

A New Season Widows Conference is a three day event that offers insight and approaches to the difficult process of grieving after losing a spouse. It is Christ centered  around Ecclesiastes 3:1 “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” For more information please follow link to, Dallas Conference 2015 Registration and Information.

They are offering discounted hotel rates up until January 25th, 2015. This could be a New Beginning in your New Year.

crossroads

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A WIDOW REMEMBERS THE FIRST YEAR OF HOLIDAYS

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , on November 23, 2014| Leave a Comment »

images9QEMR5QRIt’s that dreadful time of year for most widows in their first year of widowhood! We can not hide from them. If we have children we have to go through the motions and put on a happy face even if we feel like crawling up into a ball and drowning in our sorrows until January comes!

It’s a good time to change traditions. I choose a different way to get through the holidays that first year of widowhood than ever before. Check out my article I wrote several years ago but just published this month in an on-line website for anyone experiencing loss, Open to Hope: Finding Hope After Loss- A WIDOW REMEMBERS THE FIRST YEAR OF HOLIDAYS.

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WIDOWS AND DATING….UGH!

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on October 4, 2014| Leave a Comment »

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There may come a time, in a widow’s world, where dating may be considered. When there are children involved, this can be a difficult decision. Is it time? Is it in God’s plan? Here is an article I wrote several years ago that I just had published on The Grief Toolbox: Dating vs. Children…What’s a Widow’s Priority?

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LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAVEN

Posted in Revelations, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2014| Leave a Comment »

images[9]Sometimes I can’t help but think…is this life on earth all there is? I want to believe, that when our loved ones die, there has to be something else! I admit that if I didn’t have faith in an eternal life, I wouldn’t be as at peace that I am now. Knowing I’ll see my loved ones again in Heaven, goes a long way in continuing on in this life that’s filled with pain, sickness, loss, etc.

Just thinking about Heaven puts life in a different perspective. I live my days knowing that this is not my final home. Just as in the book I wrote, “A Widow’s Pursuit: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief“, life is also about finding purpose to help others through their grief. And to know there is another final destination. It’s not here!

For widows/widowers this can be painful because we won’t be married in heaven. However, we will know our loved ones in heaven….”At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Matthew 22:30) I’ll also admit that I didn’t like this verse for quite a while. I began to accept this more when I read a Billy Graham book, “Hope for the Troubled Heart”.

Excerpt from “A Widow’s Pursuit“:

Reading books brought comfort, too. I read Billy Graham’s book, Hope for the Troubled Heart, and then focused on the last two chapters that pertained to death and heaven. He regarded death of not being final, but another phase of life. That lifted my hopes.

“Someone has said that death is not a period, but a comma in the story of life.” Graham continues, “Everything that happens prior to death is a preparation for the final voyage. Death marks the beginning, not the end. It is our journey to God.”

 Going into Graham’s last chapter, he talked about what heaven could possibly be like through quotes from the bible.

In Revelation 22: 3, John wrote: “His servants will serve him.”

Graham adds,

 “Each one of us will be given some task that we will enjoy doing. Some may be the cooks who prepare heavenly dishes, some may play with the children. Perhaps we will be called upon to tend the gardens or polish the rainbows. Our imaginations are limitless. Whatever we do, the Bible says we will serve Him. Just think – loving the work you are doing and never getting tired!”

 This must be where Nicole serves the food!

Heaven felt like a whole new world opening up for me. I found these chapters exciting to read. He described heaven as, “The Ultimate Family Reunion.” However, one part remained hard to digest.

“We may not be married in Heaven. Some of us who love our wives and husbands very much may find that sad, but the more I think about the promises of Heaven, the more I believe whatever God has in store for us will be unbelievably more joyous, more delightful, and more wonderful than what we now enjoy.”

 Maybe when our reunion comes, it won’t matter. Until then, my wedding bands stay on.

I wore Nelson’s wedding ring on my left hand next to my ring. This notion of not being married in heaven persisted as the most sensitive area to talk about in my grief. Our wedding song had been, “Always and Forever.” In Graham’s last chapter, he concluded with a poem from an unknown poet that touched my heart.

 “Together Forever”

In this dark world of sin and pain

We only meet to part again;

But when we reach the heavenly shore,

We there shall meet to part no more.

The joy that we shall see that day

Shall chase our present griefs away.

 I can’t wait for that day to come. Heaven will be my eternal home and Nelson will be there waiting for me!

Please visit my friend Ferree’s blog, Widow’s Christian Place, and watch an amazing video, Knowing What I Know About Heaven!

 

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SIGN UP FOR A GRIEFSHARE GROUP

Posted in Grief Resources, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2014| Leave a Comment »

New GriefShare groups usually start up in August or September: Click on the picture below and if you have facebook, it will bring you to my facebook page to hear the video. If you don’t have facebook, go to griefshare’s website: www.griefshare.org to get all the information about the organization and find a location near you!
Now is the perfect time to connect with a GriefShare group meeting near you. Many groups are gearing up to start new 13-week cycles. If you are grieving the loss of a friend or loved one, find the nearest group at www.griefshare.orgGriefShare is a weekly seminar/support group. The seminar is video-based, and features leading experts on dealing with your grief. This video will give you a small sample of the kind of help you will find by attending a GriefShare group. On this short clip, you will hear from Susan Lutz, one of 46 grief grief experts featured in the GriefShare program.
Play Video2:52

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3 THINGS I DID IN GRIEF TO HEAR GOD’S VOICE

Posted in Answer to Prayers, Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2014| 1 Comment »

The Godly Widow Confiding in the Widow's GodIn my widowhood, over the years, I can now look back and see how much I listened to God’s voice by the way my life turned out. My transformation began after my spouse’s death by surrendering my trust over to God. Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not  lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him. And He will make your paths straight”.

Living in this world can be very confusing when a loved one has passed. There’s a lot we don’t understand. We don’t know what the after life will really be like. We only know that we have to trust God that He knows best and has our best interests at heart. I craved to be closer to God knowing only He could get me through grief.

The first thing I did to hear from God was to pray. I prayed for direction in my life. I prayed for my children without a father. I prayed for God to watch over and protect my children because I couldn’t always be with them. Rarely did a day go by without having a prayer to start my day. Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.

The second thing I did to hear God’s voice was to be obedient. This began at a time when I was desperate and God was all I had. It seemed the more obedient I was to God’s Word, the more the channels were open to hear from God. I rested every Sabbath (Sunday) and kept it holy. Though I dated, I reserved ever having sex again unless I got remarried. You got the picture. It was really a simple equation for me: Prayer + Obedience = Hearing God’s Voice.

The third thing I did to hear God’s voice was to listen and watch for signs. Sometimes it was a feeling of peace that washed over me when I was doing what I felt He wanted me to do….

Two years into widowhood as I prayed for direction in my life, I considered a move to Puerto Rico to live with my in-laws for a year. I felt my two daughters, 8 and 9 years old at the time, would benefit from having the love of their father’s family ingrained in their hearts forever. I just happened to cross paths with an individual that had moved to Puerto Rico for a year and he stressed how beneficial it worked out for him. I considered it a sign and began working towards that goal for the following summer. It wasn’t easy and it was a huge sacrifice for me. I had to rent out our home in Florida then pack our belongings and car in storage for a year. But everything fell into place PERFECTLY. That’s when I felt God’s peace and knew I had heard His voice!

Sometimes there were signs after I prayed that seemed so obvious….

Five years into widowhood, I had journaled 450 pages of my grief journey. That summer, at a friend’s home, I was typing them up on my vacation. Each day I’d spend a few hours every evening typing up a chapter. On the third day, I was wondering if this was worth it. I prayed to God that day for a sign to continue this laborious project on my vacation. As I was typing up my third chapter that evening (being obedient), my friend came rushing into the family room. “Cindy, you have to watch this program that is on!”. It was titled “Mere Coincidences” about spiritual occurrences that happened after loved ones passed and signs that they were still around. My mouth dropped, I said, “Carol! Look at the title of the chapter I’m typing up tonight!” I flipped it over to the title page and it revealed, “Mere Coincidences- or signs from above?”.

And so I completed my book, “A Widow’s Pursuit, Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief”.

And not only did I hear God’s voice through the years, God also heard my prayers. My daughters had God as their father growing up and are now 2 beautiful young ladies pursuing their own goals and dreams in which I am so proud of!

 

 

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Did I Say that I’d Never Marry Again?

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on May 21, 2014| 1 Comment »

MP900049868[1]I wrote this article a couple years ago that was published on my birthday this year, May 10, 2014, on an on-line loss website:

Open to Hope Foundation

So it was just over a year that I became a widow. I was doing ok. I had my good days and my not so good days. But over all, life was tolerable. I was getting used to being a single mom and accepting the fact that this was my new and permanent life.

“Are you dating anyone?” a family member innocently asked me. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE ASKED ME THAT!

“No, and I don’t plan to,” I said. “Nobody will ever take Nelson’s place, and I’ll never marry again.” He looked at me doubtfully.

I didn’t understand why people would ask me that question. Couldn’t they understand if you love someone with all your heart you won’t desire anyone else. I already felt the Lord would always take care of my family. I clung to the Scripture verse that stated it was better to stay unmarried:

1 Corinthians 7: 8-9 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say; It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am, But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

If I could continue to have self-control, this is what the Lord would prefer. I had to understand that everyone had their own opinion. It didn’t make sense to argue. I knew in my heart that I would remain single to probably the day I died.

Well, I did remain single for many years — until seven years into my widowhood, when I met someone that I couldn’t live without. As much as I had enjoyed my single life and independence, there still wasn’t anything that beats having someone to love and to be loved in return.

I’ve been remarried now for three wonderful years. One lesson I’ve learned is to treasure every relationship every day because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Nothing is permanent, it’s just temporarily beautiful!

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WHEN WIDOWS SHOULD HEED THEIR FRIENDS’ ADVICE

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on March 8, 2014| 2 Comments »

423893_227905027306832_216868583_n[1]This article was published this week on “The Grief Toolbox” website:

During my first year of widowhood, most of my friends had no idea what I was going through but they had more common sense than I did. I did know I was crazy for awhile. I realized I was feeling and behaving in ways that were so out of my character. For the most part, I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, and seldom considered the consequences. And for the majority of the time, my friends stuck with me and just let me be me.

So when a time came when I was on the verge of possibly making a huge mistake for my family, my friends, being friends, gave me some advice. When my former husband died, we lived in a single family home, in a neighborhood with many friends. I had promised my daughters that we would continue to live there. Nine months or so into my widowhood, I felt as if being tossed back and forth. I knew I had to let go of the past, accept what happened, and move forward.

With bi-polar feelings, there were still days I’d wallow in tears. I knew I couldn’t go back but I cried for the memories. Then, on possibly the very next day, I’d be looking forward to and planning what my next move would entail. My parents and only sibling lived in the Carolinas. Living in Florida, I felt further away than I wanted to be from my family. I came up with what I thought was a logical idea to move to North Carolina where my family lived and have a support system.

My friends came to my rescue. There’s a saying for the widow…”Don’t do any big moves in the first year!”. Some widows don’t have a choice but to move. However, in my situation the cons for moving outweighed the pros. My support system were my friends. They were like sisters to me. My daughters were happy in their school, in their neighborhood, and involved with dance and gymnastics. A lot of people in our community knew our situation, and that alone was comforting.

I listened and considered my friends’ advice not to move for at least a year. Well, I thought, that’s only 3 or 4 more months. I can wait it out. And as the last couple months of the first year winded down,  I realized how much it didn’t make sense to move at this time. It didn’t mean at all that I didn’t love my family. It meant why would I uproot my daughters and myself when we were surrounded by people that already loved us. Why would I subject my family to another change so soon?

When a year was up, the last thing I wanted to do was move. I believe one purpose for having friends in grief is listening to their advice because they have more sense than the grieving widow. I was still in a fog and couldn’t see the whole picture. So in my case it was true, I wasn’t ready to make any big decisions until a year had passed. My friends knew that and loved me enough to tell me. That’s what friends are for!!

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WIDOWS AND VALENTINE’S DAY

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on February 13, 2014| 1 Comment »

Unknown-150x150[1]Widows may be having a difficult week, with Valentine’s Day around the corner. If you know a widow, and would like to give her a gift, please read this post, from Carolyn Moor, that will give you helpful ideas. Carolyn’s husband died on Valentine’s Day and she has since founded the MWC “Modern Widows Club” which is a national club with over 11 million members.

Best Valentine Gifts for Widows: by Carolyn Moor

Well, it’s the season of red hot love, pink and white marketing and little blue boxes of affection everywhere you look. As widows, I know this stops you in your tracks a bit depending where you are in your journey.

And ladies, I get it. I lost my husband on Valentine’s Day.

In the first few years, I ignored it and ran the other direction like it was the plague. See more…

Each widow handles grief in her own way with different needs. Some may just want a friend to talk to with a listening ear. Being a friend to a widow, especially on Valentine’s Day, can mean more then you’ll ever know. Been there!

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