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Posts Tagged ‘loss of loved one’

A_Widow's_Pursuit_Cover_for_Kindle

“A Widow’s Pursuit” was released on November 3rd, 2015. I want to shout out, that I’ll be doing a book signing today, Saturday 11/7/15, at Espresso Theory in Duluth from 12 and 2 pm. Come on out and if interested in purchasing a book it will be on sale 20% off!

I’m including links for anyone wanting to purchase a book on the following websites:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Tate Publishing

If not able to make it today, I’ll be doing a 2nd signing next week at LATTEA on Saturday 11/14/15, in Duluth from 12 to 2 pm.  Hope to see you there!!

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A_Widow's_Pursuit_Cover_for_Kindle“A Widow’s Pursuit” has found a publisher!

My book is being published with Tate Publishing and Enterprises, LLC.

Before the release date, I will be doing some book events to get the word out. I’ll have more updates to follow. If you know of anyone, who is not one of my blog followers, who may be interested, have them sign up for my e-mail list for future blog posts and updates on book events.

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five-golden-stars-digit-star-icons-white-background-pointed-shiny-rating-rounded-corners-eps-34907363[1]Guest blogger, Jessica Kane has some helpful advice in dealing with loss, in her article, “5 Techniques for Coping with Death.” My favorites that helped me cope during my grief were numbers 3, 4 and 5 🙂 Of course #5 was my foundation in helping me cope in a healthier way than I could ever do myself.

5 Techniques for Coping with Death

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult challenges that people face in life. According to the National Institute on Aging, prolonged mourning is unhealthy and can lead to anxiety and depression. It is important to take appropriate steps to proactively cope with the grief and pain. Below explains 5 ways to successfully cope with the loss of a loved one.

1. Understand Who Grieves the Most

The National Cancer Institute has detailed research on risk factors for grief and bereavement outcomes. They have found that those who lack social support, have a history of depression, a lower income and are pessimistic tend to suffer more. In addition to this, those who had an insecure or an ambivalent relationship with the deceased tend to experience more negativity and grief. People who tend to cope through overthinking almost always have higher levels of stress and depression. The younger the age, the more difficulty after a loss. Understanding your personal situation and being aware of your risk factors will help with coping.

2. Social Connections

Social interactions are very effective with normalizing emotions, improving mood and enriching overall quality of life. Socializing engages the mind, reduces stress and provides opportunities to bond with others. An active social life can actually improve nutritional intake because people tend to eat more when they are around others. In addition to this, being social can help lower blood pressure, boost the immune system and reduce the symptoms of depression. Sometimes those who are grieving tend to withdraw, avoid others and become sedentary. However, researchers at the University of Berkeley’s Greater Good Institute have found that socially inactive adults are 70 percent more likely to experience cognitive decline and related health issues compared with socially active adults. Being socially active results in excellent emotional and physical benefits.

3. Active Choices

According to the National Institute of Health, exercise and physical activity reduces stress, improves mood and prevents and delays disease. Being active is a key to dealing with the stress and grief while doing something productive. Physical activities can be simple things like gardening, dancing and housework. Exercise can be regularly scheduled specific physical activities such as jogging, cycling and lifting weights. Exercise has been proven as an effective treatment for improving cognitive functions and reducing the symptoms of depression. Exercise also decreases the likelihood of developing chronic conditions, such as diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure. Even walking 30 minutes a day will improve health and sleep quality while relieving anxiety and depression.

4. Travel

An ancient Chinese idiom says that traveling is better than reading 10,000 books. Many people coping with grief tend to withdraw and fixate on the past. However, travel forces us to be active, adapt to new situations and exposes us to the wonders of the world. Traveling forces us to engage others and experience life. Traveling locally or even internationally are excellent ways to leave the painful comfort zone at home and embrace the beauty of the world around us.

5. Spirituality and Religion

Most people only turn to religion during holidays or special events. However, there are benefits to both spirituality and religion. While there is great diversity with spirituality, yoga, tai chi and meditation have proven benefits for stress release and health. These aren’t just exercises, but actually ancient methods of spiritual practice and purification. Religion can play an important role in coping. While there is limited empirical research on the benefits of religion, studies have shown that religion is very helpful with coping because of the social support. Religion also provides a belief system that helps to understand and cope with death.

Jessica Kane is a professional blogger who writes for Legacy Headstones, a leading Ohio-based headstone manufacturer and vendor.

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Cropped pictureFrom my experience, as a young widow raising children, this is not an easy answer. First, I had to work through my grief. There’s no specific time limit for grief. It’s when a widow has worked through the stages and has accepted the loss. For me, it took two years before I could see the light of joy again.

I believe the parent must first work through grief to be capable of entering into another relationship. If they don’t, they could have unresolved grief and the children might have compounded grief. However long it takes, widows must work through their grief to then help their children complete theirs.

Once I was in a healthier state of mind and accepted my loss, I then realized my children still had a ways to go. After two years of widowhood, with an 8 and 9 yr. old, I had a marriage proposal. I really had to pray about it. A counselor told me that children can take on average four and a half years to work through grief.

So I put my heart and wants to the side. My children were my top priority and I had to make sure they resolved their grief before I moved on. I had them in support groups and children’s grief camps. I brought them to see counselors when I saw it was appropriate. And I always prayed for God’s direction!

So all my sacrifices and hard work paid off! It has produced the most beautiful joys and rewards. It wasn’t easy! I did remarry once my children were grown and on their own paths in life. My one daughter is married and my other is engaged. They have both been making very good decisions in their lives. Read my book to find out all the details of how the three of us made it through.

A Widow’s Pursuit: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief

 

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I hadn’t thought about it until my daughter was engaged and the wedding plans began. Then it occurred to me one day, “I should be the one to walk my baby down the aisle. I spent the most time raising her!”

All my sweat and tears, for 14 years as a young widow, doing the best I could for my daughter. I was so proud of her, not to mention how much I loved her. I was honored to walk my precious daughter down the aisle and give her away to the man of her dreams. It was so beautiful and bittersweet!!

Down the aisle

 

 

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1420215826zh4ns[1]Becoming a widow eventually begs the question…”Now what do I do?”

An article I published this year, on an online website, Open To Hope, reaches out to let widows know that they are not alone. This happens to the best of us!

Grief is a major part of a widow/widower’s life. Although everyone works through grief in their own way, there are still some similarities. I’d guess the majority of widow/widowers go through various stages of shock, denial, guilt, anger, depression, and hopefully acceptance. But every journey will also be unique.

Read the article, When Grief Subsides…What’s Beyond?

In my book, A WIDOW”S PURSUIT: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief, I wrote about my challenges that I went through in grief and beyond.

What about you….is it time to…

CONQUER CHALLENGES & MAKE NEW GOALS?

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stock-photo-transform-your-thinking-on-blackboard-background-238546603[1]What does it take to transform a widow’s grief into a renewed life?

My friend, Ferree Hardy, has compiled 5 Turning Points in scripture to be aware of to help in a Widow’s Transformation. As Ferree writes on her blog, Widow’s Christian Place, she states that grief is not our destination but part of a journey of love. “We grieve because we’ve loved.”

Ferree suggests how we can watch for turning points in a widow’s grief with Wisdom, Knowing God Better, Contentment, Gratitude and Purpose.

Follow Ferree’s link to her website and see how she uses scripture references to help in 5 Turning Points That Help Transform Grief for Widows.

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