New GriefShare groups usually start up in August or September: Click on the picture below and if you have facebook, it will bring you to my facebook page to hear the video. If you don’t have facebook, go to griefshare’s website: www.griefshare.org to get all the information about the organization and find a location near you!
Posted in Grief Resources | Tagged death, faith, God's leading, grief, grief resources, grief support groups, GriefShare, hope, loss of loved one, widow, widowhood | Leave a Comment »
In my widowhood, over the years, I can now look back and see how much I listened to God’s voice by the way my life turned out. My transformation began after my spouse’s death by surrendering my trust over to God. Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him. And He will make your paths straight”.
Living in this world can be very confusing when a loved one has passed. There’s a lot we don’t understand. We don’t know what the after life will really be like. We only know that we have to trust God that He knows best and has our best interests at heart. I craved to be closer to God knowing only He could get me through grief.
The first thing I did to hear from God was to pray. I prayed for direction in my life. I prayed for my children without a father. I prayed for God to watch over and protect my children because I couldn’t always be with them. Rarely did a day go by without having a prayer to start my day. Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.
The second thing I did to hear God’s voice was to be obedient. This began at a time when I was desperate and God was all I had. It seemed the more obedient I was to God’s Word, the more the channels were open to hear from God. I rested every Sabbath (Sunday) and kept it holy. Though I dated, I reserved ever having sex again unless I got remarried. You got the picture. It was really a simple equation for me: Prayer + Obedience = Hearing God’s Voice.
The third thing I did to hear God’s voice was to listen and watch for signs. Sometimes it was a feeling of peace that washed over me when I was doing what I felt He wanted me to do….
Two years into widowhood as I prayed for direction in my life, I considered a move to Puerto Rico to live with my in-laws for a year. I felt my two daughters, 8 and 9 years old at the time, would benefit from having the love of their father’s family ingrained in their hearts forever. I just happened to cross paths with an individual that had moved to Puerto Rico for a year and he stressed how beneficial it worked out for him. I considered it a sign and began working towards that goal for the following summer. It wasn’t easy and it was a huge sacrifice for me. I had to rent out our home in Florida then pack our belongings and car in storage for a year. But everything fell into place PERFECTLY. That’s when I felt God’s peace and knew I had heard His voice!
Sometimes there were signs after I prayed that seemed so obvious….
Five years into widowhood, I had journaled 450 pages of my grief journey. That summer, at a friend’s home, I was typing them up on my vacation. Each day I’d spend a few hours every evening typing up a chapter. On the third day, I was wondering if this was worth it. I prayed to God that day for a sign to continue this laborious project on my vacation. As I was typing up my third chapter that evening (being obedient), my friend came rushing into the family room. “Cindy, you have to watch this program that is on!”. It was titled “Mere Coincidences” about spiritual occurrences that happened after loved ones passed and signs that they were still around. My mouth dropped, I said, “Carol! Look at the title of the chapter I’m typing up tonight!” I flipped it over to the title page and it revealed, “Mere Coincidences- or signs from above?”.
And so I completed my book, “A Widow’s Pursuit, Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief”.
And not only did I hear God’s voice through the years, God also heard my prayers. My daughters had God as their father growing up and are now 2 beautiful young ladies pursuing their own goals and dreams in which I am so proud of!
Posted in Answer to Prayers, Shared Stories | Tagged faith, God's plan, God's voice, grief, grief journey, loss of loved one, peace, prayer, renewed life, widowhood | 1 Comment »
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For anyone who has a child or knows of a child going through grief, these are some wonderful resources. Please visit Widow’s Christian Place for a list of various Grief Camps and Programs for children of all ages. Thank you, Ferree!
Grief Camps for Kids by: Ferree Hardy
With summer upon us, have you considered finding a “grief camp” for your children to attend?
Often, your local hospice will sponsor such a thing. Exclusively Christian grief camps for kids are rare, so prayerfully consider what’s available in your community. Children might not seem like they need any help—yet. But you can help equip them now for later on when they’re ready to deal with it. Read more and find programs in your area.
Posted in Grief Resources | Tagged grief, grief camps, grief resources, Grieving, healing, hope, widow | Leave a Comment »
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I wrote this article a couple years ago that was published on my birthday this year, May 10, 2014, on an on-line loss website:
So it was just over a year that I became a widow. I was doing ok. I had my good days and my not so good days. But over all, life was tolerable. I was getting used to being a single mom and accepting the fact that this was my new and permanent life.
“Are you dating anyone?” a family member innocently asked me. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE ASKED ME THAT!
“No, and I don’t plan to,” I said. “Nobody will ever take Nelson’s place, and I’ll never marry again.” He looked at me doubtfully.
I didn’t understand why people would ask me that question. Couldn’t they understand if you love someone with all your heart you won’t desire anyone else. I already felt the Lord would always take care of my family. I clung to the Scripture verse that stated it was better to stay unmarried:
1 Corinthians 7: 8-9 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say; It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am, But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
If I could continue to have self-control, this is what the Lord would prefer. I had to understand that everyone had their own opinion. It didn’t make sense to argue. I knew in my heart that I would remain single to probably the day I died.
Well, I did remain single for many years — until seven years into my widowhood, when I met someone that I couldn’t live without. As much as I had enjoyed my single life and independence, there still wasn’t anything that beats having someone to love and to be loved in return.
I’ve been remarried now for three wonderful years. One lesson I’ve learned is to treasure every relationship every day because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Nothing is permanent, it’s just temporarily beautiful!
Posted in Shared Stories | Tagged faith, God's plan, grief, Grieving, loss of loved one, widow, widowhood | 1 Comment »
Our New Life in Georgia
In a family shouldn’t your spouse be first and children second? But what happens when your spouse dies? Should the children become first priority?
The way I prioritize, is that God comes first. In my marriage, my spouse came second and our children came third. When my spouse died, my children stepped into second place until they became adults. It was an enormous sacrifice. They were 6 and 7 years old when their father passed. I was only 34 years old.
Keeping God first meant He was the only Father to my children. Yes, they had a huge void in their hearts from a human father, but they had some very supportive uncles and grandfathers who filled in. They were happy children for the most part. It was very challenging however to be the only parent.
Now human nature calls, and some years down the road, I’m lonely. I begin to date and find someone that makes me happy. My girls express to me that they are not fond of this new man in their mother’s life. I first feel that they have no business in my business. Luckily, they were still in second place and not first place. It was really what God’s plan was for my new life.
Keeping God in first place, I wanted to keep my lines of communication open with Him. Through my years of dating throughout my widowhood, I had made a promise with God that I wouldn’t sleep with any man unless I was remarried. My choices of men were not your men that had “God first” in their hearts, if you know what I mean. So most of the time, any dating relationships usually ended quite quickly.
All this to tell you that I remained a single parent until my daughters were adults. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made. The sacrifices were enormous. It was not easy but so well worth it! Both of my daughters have blossomed into caring, responsible adults that are giving purpose into this world. Isn’t this the whole point of sacrificing for our children?
And me? Once my children were independent adults, I then married a guy worth waiting for!
How many of you can relate????
Posted in Revelations | Tagged awareness, death, faith, God's leading, God's plan, grief, grief journey, purpose, widow, widowhood | Leave a Comment »
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This article was published this week on “The Grief Toolbox” website:
During my first year of widowhood, most of my friends had no idea what I was going through but they had more common sense than I did. I did know I was crazy for awhile. I realized I was feeling and behaving in ways that were so out of my character. For the most part, I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, and seldom considered the consequences. And for the majority of the time, my friends stuck with me and just let me be me.
So when a time came when I was on the verge of possibly making a huge mistake for my family, my friends, being friends, gave me some advice. When my former husband died, we lived in a single family home, in a neighborhood with many friends. I had promised my daughters that we would continue to live there. Nine months or so into my widowhood, I felt as if being tossed back and forth. I knew I had to let go of the past, accept what happened, and move forward.
With bi-polar feelings, there were still days I’d wallow in tears. I knew I couldn’t go back but I cried for the memories. Then, on possibly the very next day, I’d be looking forward to and planning what my next move would entail. My parents and only sibling lived in the Carolinas. Living in Florida, I felt further away than I wanted to be from my family. I came up with what I thought was a logical idea to move to North Carolina where my family lived and have a support system.
My friends came to my rescue. There’s a saying for the widow…”Don’t do any big moves in the first year!”. Some widows don’t have a choice but to move. However, in my situation the cons for moving outweighed the pros. My support system were my friends. They were like sisters to me. My daughters were happy in their school, in their neighborhood, and involved with dance and gymnastics. A lot of people in our community knew our situation, and that alone was comforting.
I listened and considered my friends’ advice not to move for at least a year. Well, I thought, that’s only 3 or 4 more months. I can wait it out. And as the last couple months of the first year winded down, I realized how much it didn’t make sense to move at this time. It didn’t mean at all that I didn’t love my family. It meant why would I uproot my daughters and myself when we were surrounded by people that already loved us. Why would I subject my family to another change so soon?
When a year was up, the last thing I wanted to do was move. I believe one purpose for having friends in grief is listening to their advice because they have more sense than the grieving widow. I was still in a fog and couldn’t see the whole picture. So in my case it was true, I wasn’t ready to make any big decisions until a year had passed. My friends knew that and loved me enough to tell me. That’s what friends are for!!
Posted in Shared Stories | Tagged friends, grief, grief resources, Grieving, loss of loved one, widow, widowhood | 2 Comments »
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Widows may be having a difficult week, with Valentine’s Day around the corner. If you know a widow, and would like to give her a gift, please read this post, from Carolyn Moor, that will give you helpful ideas. Carolyn’s husband died on Valentine’s Day and she has since founded the MWC “Modern Widows Club” which is a national club with over 11 million members.
Best Valentine Gifts for Widows: by Carolyn Moor
Well, it’s the season of red hot love, pink and white marketing and little blue boxes of affection everywhere you look. As widows, I know this stops you in your tracks a bit depending where you are in your journey.
And ladies, I get it. I lost my husband on Valentine’s Day.
In the first few years, I ignored it and ran the other direction like it was the plague. See more…
Each widow handles grief in her own way with different needs. Some may just want a friend to talk to with a listening ear. Being a friend to a widow, especially on Valentine’s Day, can mean more then you’ll ever know. Been there!
Posted in Shared Stories | Tagged friends, grief, Grieving, loss of loved one, Valentine's Day, Valentine's gifts for widows, widow | 1 Comment »
This past year, September 19, 2013, I had the opportunity to speak to a H.U.G.S. (Healing Under God’s Sovereignty) Grief support group in Deltona, FL. My dear friend, Carol Keefer, who facilitates this ministry for grieving parents, arranged a weekly meeting where I shared a message about FILLING THE VOID.
Losing a child is quite different than losing a spouse, however, any void that results from a loss of a loved one, has to be filled with something. The following youtube video is the message I shared with these grieving parents and I’d also like to share it with anyone that has a void to fill during his or her grief.
A Widow’s Pursuit: Filling the Void
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=SHE7ilbwuzs
A special “Thank You” to my friend, Lisa Dolce, for helping me put this together.
Posted in Shared Stories | Tagged death, faith, God's plan, grief, grief journey, grief support groups, healing, hope, instant gratification, loss of loved one, peace, prayer, widow, widowed parents | Leave a Comment »
My Article Publications in Print from 2012 through 2013 were:
1) “A Passionate Choice”
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1 of 13 Winners in a Short Story Contest in the Southern Writers, Short Stories from the South Summer 2012
2) “Hand of an Angel”
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Article Published in Angel Digest, Volume III July 2012 (Amazon.com)
3) “A Serious Back Injury”
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Article Published in I Believe in HEALING: Real Stories from the Bible and Today April 2013 (Amazon.com)
Posted in Shared Stories | Tagged angels, Divine Intervention, faith, God's plan, healing, hope, love, prayer, widow | Leave a Comment »
Purchase, “A Widow’s Pursuit”, here.
When Cindy suddenly became a 34 year old widow, with two young children, she was thrown into shock. Due to her Christian upbringing, she immediately found peace by clinging to her faith. Once reality surfaced, she was overwhelmed with responsibilities and unfamiliar feelings. She had to figure out a way not to feel the pain. She overindulged in unhealthy and risky behaviors. Due to her negligence, a terrible accident happened to her daughter. Embarrassed of how out of control she had been, she realized she needed God’s help. By no longer dodging her grief, she’d cry every night and trusted God to take away her pain and heal her broken heart. She found herself moving forward and finding comforting moments. Then there were days she’d collapse in despair. Old memories could trigger panic attacks. Childhood memories revealed that her deceased husband was only part of her past. She then reached a point where she accepted her loss. Being a single mom brought about a lot of confusion with new relationships. She struggled with males over being just friends, going on dates, as well as getting in vulnerable situations. Going through grief wasn’t easy, but Cindy realized that as long as she pursued God’s will for her life, she would reap more peace and comfort. Once through her grief, she understood the meaning of her journey. She became more compassionate to others that had experienced losses. She was able to make new goals as she went back to school and obtained a LMSW degree in social work. A WIDOW’S PURSUIT: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief, is not only written from Cindy’s grief years, but beyond. Grief had become only a small part of her life. This book is a complete journey through Cindy’s grief and finding an amazing life after her loss.
REVIEWS:
By Lori T on September 21, 2013
Not only is Cindy Adam’s one of my best friends, but she is an inspirational mentor in my life. Cindy’s journey through grief is a true testament of the faith and love that she has in her heavenly Father. Cindy has helped me in my life’s journey more times than she’ll ever know! I highly recommend that you read Cindy Adam’s book: A Widow’s Pursuit: Finding Out There’s More To Life Than Grief.
By Carol K on September 21, 2013
This book is special to me because of my personal friendship with the author, but I truly believe this would be an encouraging and uplifting read for anyone who is/has gone through the painful, unimaginable loss of someone they love ~ whether through death or divorce. One thing that has stayed with me after reading this book is that while we will ALWAYS love the person we lost, we can also learn to remember that they were not the only part of who we were/are. We have a past and a future and God will be with us every baby step of the way. Enjoy this easy-to-read, don’t-want-to-put-it-down, wonderful book.”
By Lynn on August 13, 2013
I really felt as though I were going along with Cindy and her family during the experience. She expressed all the emotion as the reality set in, and didn’t spare any details regarding her grief process- which is one of the reasons I think this book will be such a help to people going through losses. The honesty comes through, as does her walk towards recovering and dealing with what her life had been handed. It is an excellent example of encouragement and healing, and inspiration to those who need to find their own peace.
By A-son on August 3, 2013
Although the story is about Cindy’s personal journey as a young widow with two young children, her story is an inspiration for anyone who has gone through a loss. Her faith in God shines throughout the book, and it is a must read for anyone dealing with grief. The message is clear – that there is hope and “more to life than grief”
By Nicole Acevedo on April 25, 2013
Not only do I want to share with you that Cindy is a remarkable writer, but she has taught me about life and how you never know what tomorrow will bring you. She is a mentor and friend to me and I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing mother! I thank God every night for the life I have. I give it all to him and thank him for blessing me with such a kind, compassionate mother.
Posted in Shared Stories | Tagged death, Divine Intervention, faith, God's plan, grief, grief journey, Grieving, healing, loss of loved one, new normal, renewed life, surrender, widow, widowed parents, widowhood | Leave a Comment »
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Cindy Adams and Daughters, Jessica & Nicole
I was widowed at 34 years of age, with 2 young daughters, 6 and 7 years old. After raising my daughters, and pursuing a second career, I've recently remarried and wrote a book on my grief journey and beyond. My purpose for writing my memoir, "A Widow's Pursuit", is to encourage other young widows, that life goes on as we make new and joyful memories. We all have a different grief journey but we can help and encourage each other to persevere through grief and pursue new dreams!
A Widow’s Pursuit
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