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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

Did I Say that I’d Never Marry Again?

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on May 21, 2014| 1 Comment »

MP900049868[1]I wrote this article a couple years ago that was published on my birthday this year, May 10, 2014, on an on-line loss website:

Open to Hope Foundation

So it was just over a year that I became a widow. I was doing ok. I had my good days and my not so good days. But over all, life was tolerable. I was getting used to being a single mom and accepting the fact that this was my new and permanent life.

“Are you dating anyone?” a family member innocently asked me. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE ASKED ME THAT!

“No, and I don’t plan to,” I said. “Nobody will ever take Nelson’s place, and I’ll never marry again.” He looked at me doubtfully.

I didn’t understand why people would ask me that question. Couldn’t they understand if you love someone with all your heart you won’t desire anyone else. I already felt the Lord would always take care of my family. I clung to the Scripture verse that stated it was better to stay unmarried:

1 Corinthians 7: 8-9 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say; It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am, But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

If I could continue to have self-control, this is what the Lord would prefer. I had to understand that everyone had their own opinion. It didn’t make sense to argue. I knew in my heart that I would remain single to probably the day I died.

Well, I did remain single for many years — until seven years into my widowhood, when I met someone that I couldn’t live without. As much as I had enjoyed my single life and independence, there still wasn’t anything that beats having someone to love and to be loved in return.

I’ve been remarried now for three wonderful years. One lesson I’ve learned is to treasure every relationship every day because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Nothing is permanent, it’s just temporarily beautiful!

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Why my Children became Second Place & not First

Posted in Revelations, tagged , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Our New Life in Georgia

Our New Life in Georgia

In a family shouldn’t your spouse be first and children second? But what happens when your spouse dies? Should the children become first priority?

The way I prioritize, is that God comes first. In my marriage, my spouse came second and our children came third. When my spouse died, my children stepped into second place until they became adults. It was an enormous sacrifice. They were 6 and 7 years old when their father passed. I was only 34 years old.

Keeping God first meant He was the only Father to my children. Yes, they had a huge void in their hearts from a human father, but they had some very supportive uncles and grandfathers who filled in. They were happy children for the most part. It was very challenging however to be the only parent.

Now human nature calls, and some years down the road, I’m lonely. I begin to date and find someone that makes me happy. My girls express to me that they are not fond of this new man in their mother’s life. I first feel that they have no business in my business. Luckily, they were still in second place and not first place. It was really what God’s plan was for my new life.

Keeping God in first place, I wanted to keep my lines of communication open with Him. Through my years of dating throughout my widowhood, I had made a promise with God that I wouldn’t sleep with any man unless I was remarried. My choices of men were not your men that had “God first” in their hearts, if you know what I mean. So most of the time, any dating relationships usually ended quite quickly.

All this to tell you that I remained a single parent until my daughters were adults. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made. The sacrifices were enormous. It was not easy but so well worth it! Both of my daughters have blossomed into caring, responsible adults that are giving purpose into this world. Isn’t this the whole point of sacrificing for our children?

And me? Once my children were independent adults, I then married a guy worth waiting for!

How many of you can relate????

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WHEN WIDOWS SHOULD HEED THEIR FRIENDS’ ADVICE

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on March 8, 2014| 2 Comments »

423893_227905027306832_216868583_n[1]This article was published this week on “The Grief Toolbox” website:

During my first year of widowhood, most of my friends had no idea what I was going through but they had more common sense than I did. I did know I was crazy for awhile. I realized I was feeling and behaving in ways that were so out of my character. For the most part, I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, and seldom considered the consequences. And for the majority of the time, my friends stuck with me and just let me be me.

So when a time came when I was on the verge of possibly making a huge mistake for my family, my friends, being friends, gave me some advice. When my former husband died, we lived in a single family home, in a neighborhood with many friends. I had promised my daughters that we would continue to live there. Nine months or so into my widowhood, I felt as if being tossed back and forth. I knew I had to let go of the past, accept what happened, and move forward.

With bi-polar feelings, there were still days I’d wallow in tears. I knew I couldn’t go back but I cried for the memories. Then, on possibly the very next day, I’d be looking forward to and planning what my next move would entail. My parents and only sibling lived in the Carolinas. Living in Florida, I felt further away than I wanted to be from my family. I came up with what I thought was a logical idea to move to North Carolina where my family lived and have a support system.

My friends came to my rescue. There’s a saying for the widow…”Don’t do any big moves in the first year!”. Some widows don’t have a choice but to move. However, in my situation the cons for moving outweighed the pros. My support system were my friends. They were like sisters to me. My daughters were happy in their school, in their neighborhood, and involved with dance and gymnastics. A lot of people in our community knew our situation, and that alone was comforting.

I listened and considered my friends’ advice not to move for at least a year. Well, I thought, that’s only 3 or 4 more months. I can wait it out. And as the last couple months of the first year winded down,  I realized how much it didn’t make sense to move at this time. It didn’t mean at all that I didn’t love my family. It meant why would I uproot my daughters and myself when we were surrounded by people that already loved us. Why would I subject my family to another change so soon?

When a year was up, the last thing I wanted to do was move. I believe one purpose for having friends in grief is listening to their advice because they have more sense than the grieving widow. I was still in a fog and couldn’t see the whole picture. So in my case it was true, I wasn’t ready to make any big decisions until a year had passed. My friends knew that and loved me enough to tell me. That’s what friends are for!!

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WIDOWS AND VALENTINE’S DAY

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on February 13, 2014| 1 Comment »

Unknown-150x150[1]Widows may be having a difficult week, with Valentine’s Day around the corner. If you know a widow, and would like to give her a gift, please read this post, from Carolyn Moor, that will give you helpful ideas. Carolyn’s husband died on Valentine’s Day and she has since founded the MWC “Modern Widows Club” which is a national club with over 11 million members.

Best Valentine Gifts for Widows: by Carolyn Moor

Well, it’s the season of red hot love, pink and white marketing and little blue boxes of affection everywhere you look. As widows, I know this stops you in your tracks a bit depending where you are in your journey.

And ladies, I get it. I lost my husband on Valentine’s Day.

In the first few years, I ignored it and ran the other direction like it was the plague. See more…

Each widow handles grief in her own way with different needs. Some may just want a friend to talk to with a listening ear. Being a friend to a widow, especially on Valentine’s Day, can mean more then you’ll ever know. Been there!

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Filling the Void in Grief

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2014| Leave a Comment »

This past year, September 19, 2013, I had the opportunity to speak to a H.U.G.S. (Healing Under God’s Sovereignty) Grief support group in Deltona, FL. My dear friend, Carol Keefer, who facilitates this ministry for grieving parents, arranged a weekly meeting where I shared a message about FILLING THE VOID.

Losing a child is quite different than losing a spouse, however, any void that results from a loss of a loved one, has to be filled with something. The following youtube video is the message I shared with these grieving parents and I’d also like to share it with anyone that has a void to fill during his or her grief.

A Widow’s Pursuit: Filling the Void

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=SHE7ilbwuzs

A special “Thank You” to my friend, Lisa Dolce, for helping me put this together.

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My Book and Reviews

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2013| Leave a Comment »

A_Widow's_Pursuit_Cover_for_KindlePurchase, “A Widow’s Pursuit”, here.

When Cindy suddenly became a 34 year old widow, with two young children, she was thrown into shock. Due to her Christian upbringing, she immediately found peace by clinging to her faith.  Once reality surfaced, she was overwhelmed with responsibilities and unfamiliar feelings. She had to figure out a way not to feel the pain. She overindulged in unhealthy and risky behaviors. Due to her negligence, a terrible accident happened to her daughter.  Embarrassed of how out of control she had been, she realized she needed God’s help. By no longer dodging her grief, she’d cry every night and trusted God to take away her pain and heal her broken heart.  She found herself moving forward and finding comforting moments. Then there were days she’d collapse in despair. Old memories could trigger panic attacks. Childhood memories revealed that her deceased husband was only part of her past. She then reached a point where she accepted her loss. Being a single mom brought about a lot of confusion with new relationships. She struggled with males over being just friends, going on dates, as well as getting in vulnerable situations.  Going through grief wasn’t easy, but Cindy realized that as long as she pursued God’s will for her life, she would reap more peace and comfort.  Once through her grief, she understood the meaning of her journey. She became more compassionate to others that had experienced losses. She was able to make new goals as she went back to school and obtained a LMSW degree in social work.  A WIDOW’S PURSUIT: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief, is not only written from Cindy’s grief years, but beyond. Grief had become only a small part of her life. This book is a complete journey through Cindy’s grief and finding an amazing life after her loss.

REVIEWS:

 

By   Lori T   on September 21, 2013

  Not only is Cindy Adam’s one of my best friends, but she is an inspirational mentor in my life. Cindy’s journey through grief is a true testament of the faith and love that she has in her heavenly Father. Cindy has helped me in my life’s journey more times than she’ll ever know!  I highly recommend that you read Cindy Adam’s book:  A Widow’s Pursuit: Finding Out There’s More To Life Than Grief.

By  Carol K   on September 21, 2013

  This book is special to me because of my personal friendship with the author, but I truly believe this would be an encouraging and uplifting read for anyone who is/has gone through the painful, unimaginable loss of someone they love ~ whether through death or divorce. One thing that has stayed with me after reading this book is that while we will ALWAYS love the person we lost, we can also learn to remember that they were not the only part of who we were/are. We have a past and a future and God will be with us every baby step of the way. Enjoy this easy-to-read, don’t-want-to-put-it-down, wonderful book.”

By  Lynn   on August 13, 2013

  I really felt as though I were going along with Cindy and her family during the experience.  She expressed all the emotion as the reality set in, and didn’t spare any details regarding her grief process- which is one of the reasons I think this book will be such a help to people going through losses.  The honesty comes through, as does her walk towards recovering and dealing with what her life had been handed. It is an excellent example of encouragement and healing, and inspiration to those who need to find their own peace.
  Although the story is about Cindy’s personal journey as a young widow with two young children, her story is an inspiration for anyone who has gone through a loss.  Her faith in God shines throughout the book, and it is a must read for anyone dealing with grief. The message is clear – that there is hope and “more to life than grief”
  Not only do I want to share with you that Cindy is a remarkable writer, but she has taught me about life and how you never know what tomorrow will bring you. She is a mentor and friend to me and I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing mother! I thank God every night for the life I have. I give it all to him and thank him for blessing me with such a kind, compassionate mother.

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EMBRACING HOLIDAY BEREAVEMENT

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2013| Leave a Comment »

OpenToHopeLogoTransparent1251This is an article I wrote for the “Open To Hope Foundation“….which was published last month:

I had to face it, holidays would never be the same after my husband died. I soon realized that I was never going to share time with my loved one again. There would never be the traditional Christmas shopping together, putting up Christmas decorations, shopping around town for a real Christmas tree, or going to a Christmas party together. I was never going to see another smile from my loved one or hear him say “I love you”. At times it felt that life would never be joyful again. And holidays seemed the worse because of so many joyous memories.

I had many other joyous moments in life. I remembered how joyous I felt when my children took their first steps, how excited and happy they were on Christmas morning. Then they went to their first day of school and they were no longer toddlers. I grieved to a certain point because I remembered the beautiful memories of them as babies, but knew that period of time was over and could never come back. But I’m still able to smile of those memorable moments.

Children grow up, get lives of their own. If we’re blessed, we can still share time with them. We take what we can get and savor every moment. Life is different, but we live in the moment and make new memories. Are we going take advantage of the present, and find the joy? Or will we still live in the past and wish they were toddlers with excited faces on Christmas and feel sad that it could never be like that again? If we live in just the past, we’ll never find joy in the present.

Why not embrace the past and smile that we were fortunate to have wonderful memories. That’s how I came to embrace the holidays through my bereavement. I had a wonderful man for many years. Yes, I was deeply sad that he died at a young age. It didn’t seem fair. But I had to face it. He wasn’t coming back. All I had were the memories. I embraced them. I remembered how he loved shopping for Christmas, wrapping presents, decorating, and parties. I recalled how much he loved his family. I now smile when I think of those bittersweet memories.

But I can also smile in the present when I see my adult children making good choices and having lives of their own. I smile when I can spend time with my 2-year-old grandson and he tells me he wants Santa to bring him a bike for Christmas! It brings me joy to hear Christmas songs on the radio that I’ve loved since I was a child. This causes me to remember childhood memories that I can never live over, but embrace the past with a smile. Merry Christmas!!

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SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , on November 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »

423893_227905027306832_216868583_n[1]This article was published this week on “The Grief Toolbox” website:

Yes, they’re coming! We can’t hide, it’s inevitable. The holidays are here!

Although my young children were grieving in their own ways, they looked forward to Christmas, presents, decorations, and celebrations. My oldest daughter was in second grade and my youngest was in kindergarten. This was the first year of holidays without their father. They participated in all their class activities for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas that year. In their grief, these special days in school appeared to give them relief, joy, and laughter.

For me, in my first year of widowhood, I despised the holidays coming. I wasn’t looking forward to any of them! The holidays were my husband’s favorite time of year. He not only loved shopping but he did most of the wrapping and decorating. He was also the life of the parties! So I knew exactly what to expect. I’d be depressed while shopping, wrapping, decorating, and celebrating that year. I couldn’t do it. Not even for my daughters. I’d have to plan something different. Somehow, I’d have to figure out, how to survive the holidays!

I decided that a trip would make the most sense. (If I had any sense that was!) For one thing, this would get me out of decorating the house. Planning a trip would also keep my mind busy to make sure things were done in a timely manner. I anticipated the joyful reunions ahead, knowing that I’d see family and friends that I hadn’t seen in many years. This pulled me through the days I had to shop and wrap my daughters’ gifts, to take with us.

As we pulled out of our FL driveway for a 4 week holiday road trip to NC, NJ, NY, PA, IL, MI, and SC, excitement went with us. Our first stop was Christmas in NC with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and niece. Joy and pain coexisted that year for the holidays. But better to have both, than to suffer with pain the entire time. I know many people thought I was crazy to take this road trip not only in the winter, but we ended up driving through a northern blizzard that year. I didn’t care what anyone thought, I trusted that God would protect us and only give us what we could handle!

Bottom line….we survived the holidays!!

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Sharing Grief during the Holidays

Posted in Grief Resources, tagged , , , , , , on November 2, 2013| Leave a Comment »

aseasonofgriefsmall[1]Oh Dear! It’s that time of year again….HOLIDAYS…

For some, that means happiness, joy, and sweet memories. For others, it means sadness, grief, and bitter-sweet memories.

The GriefShare organization has an annual event called, “Surviving the Holidays”. This helps in dealing with the intense pain of grief during the holidays. Local churches around the world sponsor these seminars.  Find out where the closest “Surviving the Holidays” is to you. The event is about 2 hours long. It includes a 40 minute video along with some group discussion as you meet others that are dealing with grief during this holiday season.

If you’ve never heard of or been to a GriefShare group, and you’re experiencing grief from a loved one’s death, this may be the perfect time of year to start.

GriefShare is a grief recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of losing a loved one. When you go to the GriefShare website, you can enter your zip code to find the closest group to your home.

I strongly encourage anyone who is presently experiencing grief, to seek out a local group. If you’re not ready for a group, another option to consider, is to receive daily GriefShare e-mails for an entire year. There are 365 daily messages that will help and encourage you through a year of the grieving process.

GriefShare is a journey from mourning to Joy!

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About Me: Along with some Interesting and Fun Facts!

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on October 19, 2013| 4 Comments »

025Hi friends! I was born Cynthia Ann Abramovitch and go by “Cindy”. I grew up in New Jersey and at 21 yrs old, I had to spread my wings and moved to California. There I pursued a hairdressing career and got married, becoming Cynthia Acevedo. Soon we were a family of four and decided to move back east, closer to our families. We settled in Florida and 3 years later, at 34 years of age, I became a widow. My husband, Nelson, went into the hospital with pneumonia, and 3 weeks later he died. We had been married for 11 years, and our two daughters, Jessica and Nicole were 6 and 7 years old at the time. I guess one never knows what tomorrow will bring, when dreams of happily ever after are shattered!

I began to work through grief. I tried doing it my way…but that didn’t go so well. There were many foolish things I did while I wasn’t in my right mind. So I pursued my faith and surrendered to God’s new plan for my life. As he led me through grief, my heart healed, and I was able to let go of the past. I then awakened to a new life of being a single mom with new dreams and goals.

I did some more traveling and moved a few more times before settling in Georgia. Then, after 14 years of single life, I fell in love again, and married Joseph in 2009. I’m now Cynthia Adams. So I went from “Abramovitch” to “Acevedo” to “Adams” …AB…AC…AD. I don’t know why, but I find that fascinating. LOL!  And… I’ve always been able to keep my initials of CAA!

Living in Georgia, I pursued and completed a master’s degree in social work and obtained my LMSW in 2010. I presently work as a medical social worker for a home health agency. Through my writing and social work career, I continue to reach out to others that are grieving and looking for hope.

In 2012 I published my book, “A Widow’s Pursuit: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief“.  I spoke this past September (2013) at a grief support group “H.U.G.S” (Healing Under God’s Sovereignty) about Filling the Void in Grief. I’ll continue to spread the Word, that it is only with God’s Grace, that he is able to fill our void with his PEACE.

10 Fun and/or Interesting Facts About Cindy:

1) I love motorcycle riding (especially in the fall in the Georgia mountains!)

Motorcycle ride

2) I’ve lived in New Jersey, California, Florida, Puerto Rico, and Georgia

3) I have to visit a Beach with Palm Trees at least once a year for tranquility

Puerto Rico 2013 020

Puerto Rico 2013

4) I’ll keep my daughters now that they’re grown 🙂 (I was willing at one time to give them away!)

Our New Life in Georgia

5)  You can’t go wrong with a fine dinner, glass of wine, and good company

6) I believe taking vacations is one of life’s greatest pleasures (and also when I get to visit family & friends)

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7) I’ve been sky diving (A Christmas present from my daughter!)

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8) I’m a Nana to my 4 year old grandson

Puerto Rico 2013 031

9) I met my present husband, Joseph, the night he was playing guitar at a Christmas party

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10) Jesus is my Savior and he helps make my life Peaceful and FUN!

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