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Posts Tagged ‘widow’

WIDOWS CONFERENCE IN FEBRUARY 2015

Posted in Grief Resources, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Do you sometimes feel alone in your grief? No one quite understands you? You are definitely not alone! There are many widows that are experiencing similar feelings and wondering what to do now. Please consider going to a Widow’s conference in February in Texas.

A New Season Widows Conference is a three day event that offers insight and approaches to the difficult process of grieving after losing a spouse. It is Christ centered  around Ecclesiastes 3:1 “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” For more information please follow link to, Dallas Conference 2015 Registration and Information.

They are offering discounted hotel rates up until January 25th, 2015. This could be a New Beginning in your New Year.

crossroads

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A WIDOW REMEMBERS THE FIRST YEAR OF HOLIDAYS

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , on November 23, 2014| Leave a Comment »

images9QEMR5QRIt’s that dreadful time of year for most widows in their first year of widowhood! We can not hide from them. If we have children we have to go through the motions and put on a happy face even if we feel like crawling up into a ball and drowning in our sorrows until January comes!

It’s a good time to change traditions. I choose a different way to get through the holidays that first year of widowhood than ever before. Check out my article I wrote several years ago but just published this month in an on-line website for anyone experiencing loss, Open to Hope: Finding Hope After Loss- A WIDOW REMEMBERS THE FIRST YEAR OF HOLIDAYS.

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WIDOWS AND DATING….UGH!

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on October 4, 2014| Leave a Comment »

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There may come a time, in a widow’s world, where dating may be considered. When there are children involved, this can be a difficult decision. Is it time? Is it in God’s plan? Here is an article I wrote several years ago that I just had published on The Grief Toolbox: Dating vs. Children…What’s a Widow’s Priority?

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LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAVEN

Posted in Revelations, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2014| Leave a Comment »

images[9]Sometimes I can’t help but think…is this life on earth all there is? I want to believe, that when our loved ones die, there has to be something else! I admit that if I didn’t have faith in an eternal life, I wouldn’t be as at peace that I am now. Knowing I’ll see my loved ones again in Heaven, goes a long way in continuing on in this life that’s filled with pain, sickness, loss, etc.

Just thinking about Heaven puts life in a different perspective. I live my days knowing that this is not my final home. Just as in the book I wrote, “A Widow’s Pursuit: Finding Out There’s More to Life Than Grief“, life is also about finding purpose to help others through their grief. And to know there is another final destination. It’s not here!

For widows/widowers this can be painful because we won’t be married in heaven. However, we will know our loved ones in heaven….”At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Matthew 22:30) I’ll also admit that I didn’t like this verse for quite a while. I began to accept this more when I read a Billy Graham book, “Hope for the Troubled Heart”.

Excerpt from “A Widow’s Pursuit“:

Reading books brought comfort, too. I read Billy Graham’s book, Hope for the Troubled Heart, and then focused on the last two chapters that pertained to death and heaven. He regarded death of not being final, but another phase of life. That lifted my hopes.

“Someone has said that death is not a period, but a comma in the story of life.” Graham continues, “Everything that happens prior to death is a preparation for the final voyage. Death marks the beginning, not the end. It is our journey to God.”

 Going into Graham’s last chapter, he talked about what heaven could possibly be like through quotes from the bible.

In Revelation 22: 3, John wrote: “His servants will serve him.”

Graham adds,

 “Each one of us will be given some task that we will enjoy doing. Some may be the cooks who prepare heavenly dishes, some may play with the children. Perhaps we will be called upon to tend the gardens or polish the rainbows. Our imaginations are limitless. Whatever we do, the Bible says we will serve Him. Just think – loving the work you are doing and never getting tired!”

 This must be where Nicole serves the food!

Heaven felt like a whole new world opening up for me. I found these chapters exciting to read. He described heaven as, “The Ultimate Family Reunion.” However, one part remained hard to digest.

“We may not be married in Heaven. Some of us who love our wives and husbands very much may find that sad, but the more I think about the promises of Heaven, the more I believe whatever God has in store for us will be unbelievably more joyous, more delightful, and more wonderful than what we now enjoy.”

 Maybe when our reunion comes, it won’t matter. Until then, my wedding bands stay on.

I wore Nelson’s wedding ring on my left hand next to my ring. This notion of not being married in heaven persisted as the most sensitive area to talk about in my grief. Our wedding song had been, “Always and Forever.” In Graham’s last chapter, he concluded with a poem from an unknown poet that touched my heart.

 “Together Forever”

In this dark world of sin and pain

We only meet to part again;

But when we reach the heavenly shore,

We there shall meet to part no more.

The joy that we shall see that day

Shall chase our present griefs away.

 I can’t wait for that day to come. Heaven will be my eternal home and Nelson will be there waiting for me!

Please visit my friend Ferree’s blog, Widow’s Christian Place, and watch an amazing video, Knowing What I Know About Heaven!

 

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SIGN UP FOR A GRIEFSHARE GROUP

Posted in Grief Resources, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2014| Leave a Comment »

New GriefShare groups usually start up in August or September: Click on the picture below and if you have facebook, it will bring you to my facebook page to hear the video. If you don’t have facebook, go to griefshare’s website: www.griefshare.org to get all the information about the organization and find a location near you!
Now is the perfect time to connect with a GriefShare group meeting near you. Many groups are gearing up to start new 13-week cycles. If you are grieving the loss of a friend or loved one, find the nearest group at www.griefshare.orgGriefShare is a weekly seminar/support group. The seminar is video-based, and features leading experts on dealing with your grief. This video will give you a small sample of the kind of help you will find by attending a GriefShare group. On this short clip, you will hear from Susan Lutz, one of 46 grief grief experts featured in the GriefShare program.
Play Video2:52

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CHILDREN’S GRIEF CAMPS AND PROGRAMS

Posted in Grief Resources, tagged , , , , , , on June 22, 2014| Leave a Comment »

images[7]For anyone who has a child or knows of a child going through grief, these are some wonderful resources. Please visit Widow’s Christian Place for a list of various Grief Camps and Programs for children of all ages. Thank you, Ferree!

 

Grief Camps for Kids  by: Ferree Hardy

With summer upon us, have you considered finding a “grief camp” for your children to attend?

Often, your local hospice will sponsor such a thing. Exclusively Christian grief camps for kids are rare, so prayerfully consider what’s available in your community. Children might not seem like they need any help—yet. But you can help equip them now for later on when they’re ready to deal with it.  Read more and find programs in your area.

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Did I Say that I’d Never Marry Again?

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on May 21, 2014| 1 Comment »

MP900049868[1]I wrote this article a couple years ago that was published on my birthday this year, May 10, 2014, on an on-line loss website:

Open to Hope Foundation

So it was just over a year that I became a widow. I was doing ok. I had my good days and my not so good days. But over all, life was tolerable. I was getting used to being a single mom and accepting the fact that this was my new and permanent life.

“Are you dating anyone?” a family member innocently asked me. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE ASKED ME THAT!

“No, and I don’t plan to,” I said. “Nobody will ever take Nelson’s place, and I’ll never marry again.” He looked at me doubtfully.

I didn’t understand why people would ask me that question. Couldn’t they understand if you love someone with all your heart you won’t desire anyone else. I already felt the Lord would always take care of my family. I clung to the Scripture verse that stated it was better to stay unmarried:

1 Corinthians 7: 8-9 “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say; It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am, But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

If I could continue to have self-control, this is what the Lord would prefer. I had to understand that everyone had their own opinion. It didn’t make sense to argue. I knew in my heart that I would remain single to probably the day I died.

Well, I did remain single for many years — until seven years into my widowhood, when I met someone that I couldn’t live without. As much as I had enjoyed my single life and independence, there still wasn’t anything that beats having someone to love and to be loved in return.

I’ve been remarried now for three wonderful years. One lesson I’ve learned is to treasure every relationship every day because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Nothing is permanent, it’s just temporarily beautiful!

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Why my Children became Second Place & not First

Posted in Revelations, tagged , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Our New Life in Georgia

Our New Life in Georgia

In a family shouldn’t your spouse be first and children second? But what happens when your spouse dies? Should the children become first priority?

The way I prioritize, is that God comes first. In my marriage, my spouse came second and our children came third. When my spouse died, my children stepped into second place until they became adults. It was an enormous sacrifice. They were 6 and 7 years old when their father passed. I was only 34 years old.

Keeping God first meant He was the only Father to my children. Yes, they had a huge void in their hearts from a human father, but they had some very supportive uncles and grandfathers who filled in. They were happy children for the most part. It was very challenging however to be the only parent.

Now human nature calls, and some years down the road, I’m lonely. I begin to date and find someone that makes me happy. My girls express to me that they are not fond of this new man in their mother’s life. I first feel that they have no business in my business. Luckily, they were still in second place and not first place. It was really what God’s plan was for my new life.

Keeping God in first place, I wanted to keep my lines of communication open with Him. Through my years of dating throughout my widowhood, I had made a promise with God that I wouldn’t sleep with any man unless I was remarried. My choices of men were not your men that had “God first” in their hearts, if you know what I mean. So most of the time, any dating relationships usually ended quite quickly.

All this to tell you that I remained a single parent until my daughters were adults. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made. The sacrifices were enormous. It was not easy but so well worth it! Both of my daughters have blossomed into caring, responsible adults that are giving purpose into this world. Isn’t this the whole point of sacrificing for our children?

And me? Once my children were independent adults, I then married a guy worth waiting for!

How many of you can relate????

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WHEN WIDOWS SHOULD HEED THEIR FRIENDS’ ADVICE

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on March 8, 2014| 2 Comments »

423893_227905027306832_216868583_n[1]This article was published this week on “The Grief Toolbox” website:

During my first year of widowhood, most of my friends had no idea what I was going through but they had more common sense than I did. I did know I was crazy for awhile. I realized I was feeling and behaving in ways that were so out of my character. For the most part, I did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go, and seldom considered the consequences. And for the majority of the time, my friends stuck with me and just let me be me.

So when a time came when I was on the verge of possibly making a huge mistake for my family, my friends, being friends, gave me some advice. When my former husband died, we lived in a single family home, in a neighborhood with many friends. I had promised my daughters that we would continue to live there. Nine months or so into my widowhood, I felt as if being tossed back and forth. I knew I had to let go of the past, accept what happened, and move forward.

With bi-polar feelings, there were still days I’d wallow in tears. I knew I couldn’t go back but I cried for the memories. Then, on possibly the very next day, I’d be looking forward to and planning what my next move would entail. My parents and only sibling lived in the Carolinas. Living in Florida, I felt further away than I wanted to be from my family. I came up with what I thought was a logical idea to move to North Carolina where my family lived and have a support system.

My friends came to my rescue. There’s a saying for the widow…”Don’t do any big moves in the first year!”. Some widows don’t have a choice but to move. However, in my situation the cons for moving outweighed the pros. My support system were my friends. They were like sisters to me. My daughters were happy in their school, in their neighborhood, and involved with dance and gymnastics. A lot of people in our community knew our situation, and that alone was comforting.

I listened and considered my friends’ advice not to move for at least a year. Well, I thought, that’s only 3 or 4 more months. I can wait it out. And as the last couple months of the first year winded down,  I realized how much it didn’t make sense to move at this time. It didn’t mean at all that I didn’t love my family. It meant why would I uproot my daughters and myself when we were surrounded by people that already loved us. Why would I subject my family to another change so soon?

When a year was up, the last thing I wanted to do was move. I believe one purpose for having friends in grief is listening to their advice because they have more sense than the grieving widow. I was still in a fog and couldn’t see the whole picture. So in my case it was true, I wasn’t ready to make any big decisions until a year had passed. My friends knew that and loved me enough to tell me. That’s what friends are for!!

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WIDOWS AND VALENTINE’S DAY

Posted in Shared Stories, tagged , , , , , , on February 13, 2014| 1 Comment »

Unknown-150x150[1]Widows may be having a difficult week, with Valentine’s Day around the corner. If you know a widow, and would like to give her a gift, please read this post, from Carolyn Moor, that will give you helpful ideas. Carolyn’s husband died on Valentine’s Day and she has since founded the MWC “Modern Widows Club” which is a national club with over 11 million members.

Best Valentine Gifts for Widows: by Carolyn Moor

Well, it’s the season of red hot love, pink and white marketing and little blue boxes of affection everywhere you look. As widows, I know this stops you in your tracks a bit depending where you are in your journey.

And ladies, I get it. I lost my husband on Valentine’s Day.

In the first few years, I ignored it and ran the other direction like it was the plague. See more…

Each widow handles grief in her own way with different needs. Some may just want a friend to talk to with a listening ear. Being a friend to a widow, especially on Valentine’s Day, can mean more then you’ll ever know. Been there!

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