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Posts Tagged ‘widow’

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With Ferree’s permission, I would like to share a prayer that she has written and posted on her website. Please visit her at Widow’s Christian Place, where she offers hope and encouragement to widows and recently wrote a book, Postcards From the Widow’s Path.

Dear God,
I pray for women who have been left to raise children on their own. This is a huge responsibility and burden–when you’re married and have the support of a father to share the duties. But when you’re a mom alone—God, how do you expect these ladies to do all this?!
So, Lord, this is why we must pray!
Oh Lord, fulfill your Word to them from Psalm 68:5 and be a father to these fatherless children. Do a work in their little hearts that assures them they belong to you. Help these children come to Jesus as the little ones in the New Testament did. Protect them from worldly adults and false teachers who claim there is no God. Heal their grief, help them stay true to you, and help them be a comfort and delight to their mother.
And for these mothers, Lord, please strengthen and protect them. Defend them, as you are declared the “defender of widows.” If they are lonely, set them in the midst of families—their own family, their church family, and perhaps the family of a godly man you will send to be her new husband and new father for her children. Lord, raise up these men with the backbone and integrity to be our heroes!
Above all else, Lord, may the widow with children to raise find her rest in you. Draw her to yourself, surround her with your lovingkindness and new mercies every morning. Fill her days with deep joy, fill her mind with your wonders, fill her heart with your peace. Collect her tears in your bottle and transform them into her treasure. Bless her with kindness and rest.
In Jesus Name,
Amen

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families . . . Psalm 68:5,6a

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERALori is not only my “Book Designer” but a very special friend. I believe God places many of our friends in our lives for a purpose. When I moved to Georgia, Lori was my next door neighbor. She was an exceptional Graphic Art Designer for Coca-Cola until her life took a sharp turn. Marriage moved her 2 hours out of the Atlanta area. Although we don’t get to see each other as frequently as we’d like, we find a way when we can. We had fun working on the book cover together since it gave us an opportunity to get together. Soon after, she was able to celebrate with me at my book party!

Lori was part of an answer to my prayer, for finding the perfect cover for my book. On the first afternoon of searching the web, together we found the picture that I wanted to use for my book cover. Everything fell perfectly into place. It’s amazing when you feel God’s hand in the process. I don’t doubt for a minute that we didn’t have Divine Intervention!!! Every detail was covered. And having the best Graphic Art Designer was all part of His plan, too!

Visit Lori’s website: Lori’s Art & Photo Gallery, to see more beautiful art and paintings she has done.

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February 2013 014Everyone has their own story of how they met their best friends and what makes them so special. So when our family moved in next door to Lisa and her family, Lisa and I instantly became friends. I had no idea the journey I’d walk with her. At the time, my youngest daughter, Nicole, was 6 months old and Lisa was 7 months pregnant with her youngest son, Jeremiah. I went over to Lisa’s one day to ask for a cup of sugar. And thus our journey began….

For 3 wonderful years we made fun memories together until my family moved back to the East coast and settled in Florida. Fast forward 3 more years and I became a widow. My grief journey took me back to California where Lisa took me in for that first summer where I went wild and crazy! At least that’s what I felt like!

Five years later, beyond my grief, I moved to Georgia to make a new life. In the meantime, Lisa had divorced and moved to Georgia with her son, Jeremiah. She just happened to move to Georgia the same month that I had and we were then living 2 hours apart. We began making new memories again and enjoying our family visits:)

Then 3 years later, life took a tragic turn. Jeremiah, 14 years old, was killed in a car accident. A purpose out of my grief allowed me to be there for Lisa this time. I could walk beside her in her grief journey and understand the heartache and pain. And that’s what a Best Friend Forever is all about!

We believe that Jeremiah occasionally shows up as an angel. My daughter, Nicole, had an experience that she believes Jeremiah saved her life. A month after Jeremiah died, a car Nicole was in one night, as a passenger, almost crashed. She saw a handprint on the outside of the window that stopped the car. She believed it was Jeremiah’s hand that stopped the car from crashing. I wrote a short story that was published in, “Angel Digest”.

My journey with my BFF is not over. Through better or worse, that’s what friends are for!!

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Book Cover

The cover of my book, “A Widow’s Pursuit”, was professionally taken by Rick Gomez. He photographed his wife and two daughters in Malibu, California, specifically for my cover.

Please check out his face book page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rick-Gomez-Photography/103280833061606#!/pages/Rick-Gomez-Photography/103280833061606

As well as his website:

http://www.gomezphotos.com/

It was an answer to prayer!!!

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#10 I didn’t care what anyone thought about how I grieved:

Grief made me go crazy for a while. I was selfish and self-centered. Thankfully, my family and friends supported me through and took care of my children until I came to my senses.

#9 I prayed:

I soon realized that I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed God’s help. (Sounds like a 12 step program!)In my prayers, I not only talked to God, but I learned how to listen to Him and heed His advice.

#8 I had to rethink my priorities:

Grief taught me what was most important in my life. God became my number one priority. I then treasured my family and relationships that I still had here. My two daughters were my main concern.

#7 Time doesn’t heal all wounds:

It’s not about time. There are people who are still living in grief 17 years later. Unless you do the grief work, with God’s help, you’ll continue to grieve. God is our healer who helps to heal our wounds.

#6 My loved one was only part of my life, not my whole life:

Traveling to visit family and friends brought me my first moments of joy. Many I knew before I even knew my loved one. I realized there was a lot more to my life than just my married life.

#5 Joy and pain coexist:

As I found myself feeling more joyful, a special day would bring back the pain. A birthday, a holiday, an anniversary day, my daughters’ dance recitals, my daughters’ graduations. It’s OK. The pain makes me remember the beautiful memories.

#4 God uses suffering for good to help us grow:

God has used me as a witness to bring others to Christ through my grief.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

#3 Life is temporary here:

Some day, I will lose another loved one. I will grieve again. But I have faith that my eternal home will be in Heaven. It will be a permanent place to reunite with my loved ones that have gone before.

#2 God is in control:

I’ve surrendered my life over. God’s in control of everything anyway. There’s no “What ifs…?” My life and everyone else’s life is in His hands. I trust He knows best. He’ll always have the last word!

And the #1 lesson I’ve learned from grief is:

# 1 It’s time to serve others and pass on the comfort that I received:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

This is a favorite post of mine that I wrote awhile back. It’s also published on an on-line website, Open to Hope Foundation. The website is to inspire hope after any kind of loss.

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Jan 11 2013 086I have to share how awesome my friends were to me in my deepest times of grief. I know now, that it’s not fun to walk through grief with someone. So when somebody walks through the shadow of grief with you, they are some special people!!!  This is Trish. (above) She actually gave me the idea to write the book and encouraged me the whole way through. She made sure that I never gave up. She was actually my friend that took me out to dinner on my first birthday as a widow. (Not even one month into my grief.) Talk about a birthday celebration. NOT! But I was still in shock and in the numb stage so I wasn’t too depressing to be around yet!

Jan 11 2013 095Now meet my friend, Carol! She always had a scripture to share to keep my faith on track. She took my children in and made sure they were fed and had their homework done everynight. Carol would listen to me as I talked for hours about Nelson. We both believed in eternal life, and this softened the pain of reality. I’d go through the motions, but felt like I was living in a foreign world.  It didn’t hurt when we’d go to Carol’s timeshare at Daytona beach occasionally. We’d talk for hours and many times it was with Carol when I received my signs from God.

Jan 11 2013 096Here’s my friend, Angela:-) (Her husband, Sal is behind her and friend, Jim.) Such wonderful friends and super next door neighbors!!! I could always count on Angela. Sometimes it was having a cup of coffee and talking while other times she’d come to my rescue when I desperately needed her. She’d talk me through how it was ok that I was feeling the way I was. My kids lived at her home as well. She and Sal had an open door policy. Their “casa” was our “casa”. I know I took advantage for awhile, but they loved us unconditionally!!!

Jan 11 2013 098Now here’s Dinah! (In Pink) Her husband, Arturo, their 2 daughters, Christina and Larissa, and my daughter, Jessica (standing on the other side of Dinah). I’ve known Dinah since 4th grade!!! Dinah was my partner in crime as we went through our teenage years together! She could always make me laugh and still does. The memories we share together are priceless. I couldn’t imagine life without Dinah. Despite her humor that keeps me laughing, she has loved our familly like her own. This is what I call FAMILY!!

Partially because of these friends, I am who I am today. Because they provided me love, encouragement, and support throughout my grief journey, I am now able to help others through their grief. God is a good God! He provided me awesome friends!!!!! Read more about them in my book!

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MP900442876[1]There was a time in my early widowhood, where I thought I was in control of my grief. I found ways not to feel the pain. I was successful for a short period of time. There was always that “instant gratification” of having a drink to numb the pain. This wasn’t a very good long term plan. Eventually, I found myself out of control.

My story can be read on-line at NOW WHAT? in the February issue. Find out what happened to my daughter that caused me to stop my destructive behavior and surrender to God.

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Friends Photographing ThemselvesPlease meet, Debbie, and visit her blog A New Side To Normal 

Debbie’s husband, Dave, passed away 4 months ago after a 7-month battle with lung cancer. They were married for 27 years and have 2 adult children.

A New Side To Normal is about Debbie’s life encounters as a recent widow. It’s small snippets of her journey through the grieving process as she finds a new normal.

Debbie writes, “My goal is to stay strong, hold Dave’s presence close to my heart, and seek the humor in every tough situation. But more than for myself, I hope that I may someday help someone else get through this pain. It’s not like there’s a right or wrong way to grieve – so long as we do.”

Debbie’s recent post, “Thank You, My friend” posted on January 21, 2013, I hold close to my heart. A widow NEVER forgets who her best friends are when tragedy strikes.

Debbie writes:

“I find myself this week thinking of my friends. They say you know who your true friends are when tragedy strikes. They are the ones who are there for you, who love and support you in the good times, as well as the bad. Read more….

Since I self-published my book, “A Widow’s Pursuit” on amazon.com, I just had my first book party with my true friends who were with me when my tragedy first striked!

Thank you, my friends!

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Flight Attendant with an Oxygen Mask

This blog post is shared from a website called SoulSeeds. This website offers inspiration for all people in their growth and needs. In this article, I find it not only helpful but also necessary to take care of ourselves FIRST when grieving. Sometimes we may have to be selfish for a while and put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before we can give oxygen to our children or others.  You can also follow SoulSeeds on Twitter for great tweets!

Feed Your Soul by Geneen Roth

Geneen Roth wrote the outstanding book, Women, Food and God which was featured on Oprah. We’re pleased to include Geneen’s work on Soulseeds Seed Exchange. This article was first published in Good Housekeeping.

There are some things in life you take for granted: Your children will outlive you. No matter how tough it gets, you won’t poison your spouse with arsenic-laced toothpaste. And if you have a best friend, you will attend her wedding.

But life sometimes upsets our most basic assumptions. And although I haven’t resorted to the arsenic (yet), I did have this surprise: My best friend from college got married today and I wasn’t there. Never in a million years did I think I would miss her wedding. We’d been talking about it since we were 18. And yet, when it came down to deciding about making the trip from California to New York, I did something radical, something I rarely do: I took my own needs into account.

I stepped away from my notions of what a good person would do, what any loyal friend would do, and considered the facts: I’d just returned from teaching an exhilarating but exhausting weeklong retreat; I had a broken ankle and a sprained back and could barely walk; my friend decided to get married rather suddenly and told me she wasn’t expecting me to come. And I realized that although I would miss seeing her walk down the aisle if I didn’t go, I would be a hobbling, exhausted wreck if I did. So I stayed home, sent champagne, and wrote my friend and her new husband a wedding story. It was an agonizing decision but not nearly as painful as the tale I told myself about it: If I don’t go to my best friend’s wedding — the very friend who held my hair back the night I drank a bottle of Cold Duck and threw up on the sidewalk — people will finally discover how selfish I am and I will lose every friend I have. I will spend my dying days alone, dribbling Diet Coke on my chin with no friends or family around. As soon as I realized I’d made a leap from taking care of myself to visions of dying alone, dribbling and friendless, I understood that I considered looking out for my own needs a radical concept — so radical that it scared me to (a pathetic, lonely, and potentially sticky) death.

I should know better. In working with tens of thousands of women over the last two decades, I’ve found that there is a whole set of beliefs called “the bad things that will happen if I take care of myself.” I’ve heard things such as, “My son will choke on a fish bone the minute I leave him alone and take some time for myself.” “My husband won’t be able to make friends without me if I stay home from this party and rest.” “My friend will hate me if I don’t make brownies for her bake sale.”

Think about this: Do you feel it is right to put yourself at the center of your own life, or is your secret fear that if you consider your own needs, you’ll alienate the people you love and end up homeless, rifling through old chicken bones in a dark alley? Are you afraid that a “me first” attitude will get you drummed out of the “good people” club?

Most of us secretly believe that good people, especially women, take care of others first. They wait until everyone else has a plateful and then take what’s left. Unfortunately, most of us make decisions based on our ideas of who we think we should be, not on who we actually are. The problem is, when we make choices based on an ideal image of ourselves — what a good friend would do, what a good mother would do, what a good wife would do — we end up having to take care of ourselves in another way.

Enter food. When you don’t consider your real needs, you will likely fill the leftover emotional hunger with food. (Or another abused substance. Or shopping. But most of us opt for food.) You eat in secret. You eat treats whenever you can, because food is the one way, the only way, you nourish yourself. You eat on the run because you believe that you shouldn’t take time for lunch; there’s too much work to do. You eat the éclair, the doughnut, the cake, all the while knowing this isn’t really taking care of yourself. But to really take care of yourself, you have to think of yourself first.

“Is that possible?” you ask. “What about my children? I’d die for them.” Have you ever considered why, on an airplane, the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you help your children? It’s because your kids’ well-being depends on it. If you aren’t grounded, present, calm, and able to breathe, there is no one to take care of them.

What would your life look like if you acknowledged the truth that working nonstop for 10 hours, taking care of other people, leaves you so spent and weary that there really isn’t much left of you for your kids, let alone yourself? What would your life look like if you realized that you need to set aside time every day to fill yourself up — even if it’s only by taking a few 15-minute breaks during which you stare at nothing or go outside or lie down? What would the pace of your life be if you went on “soul time” instead of clock time, even just a little?

It’s possible. A few days ago, I spoke with a first-time mother. Her baby son had colic, and she was completely exhausted. She was so afraid she wouldn’t be there when he needed her that she couldn’t sleep even when he was napping or with her husband. And she was turning to food to calm herself down. I asked her what it would be like to do something very simple for herself: to sit down and breathe. That’s all. No big deal. Nothing to achieve. Just let the body do what it was already doing and give herself a break. She said she could try that. She just breathed.

At the end of five minutes, I asked her how she felt. She said she was relieved, immediately calmer. She said that since she’d had her baby, she had forgotten all about herself and her needs, and while some of that was natural (“I’m so in love with him,” she said; “I’ve never known love like this before”), she was not serving him best by exhausting herself. She said that caring for herself was doable — maybe not in the same ways she did before she was a mother, but in new ways. Taking small rests. Eating well. Going outside for even five minutes while he naps. “I can do this,” she said. “I can treat myself with the same kind of care that I give him.”

“Now you’re talking,” I said. “And the better you take care of yourself, the more he will know as he grows up that it’s fine for him to take care of himself, too.”

If you operate on what you believe a good mother/partner/friend would do and you leave yourself — what you need, how you feel — out of the equation, your relationships will suffer.

I’m here to tell you that cherishing yourself by making yourself a priority in your own life is possible. You can take care of your needs and your relationships with family and friends can thrive. I know, because I am making this my daily practice, and I am confident I will not go out either alone or dribbling.

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This blog post was shared by Candy Feathers. She became a widow on November 10, 2009 at the age of 57. She and her husband were married for 36 years. Two months later, her mom passed away and 2 months after that, her dad followed them both to heaven. Candy is a mother of 4 grown daughters, 4 sons-in-law, 6 grandchildren here on earth and 1 in heaven. Please visit her blog for more inspiration!

The Godly Widow Confiding in the Widow’s God

The following excerpt was written by Octavius Winslow. Octavius descended from Edward Winslow, a Pilgrim leader who braved the Atlantic to come to the New World on the Mayflower in 1620. Octavius’s father, Thomas,  died when he was seven years old. Shortly after that, Octavius’s God-fearing mother took her family of ten children to New York. All of the children became Christians and three sons became evangelical ministers. Octavius later wrote a book about his family’s experiences from his mother’s perspective entitled LIFE IN JESUS.  He had an unique understanding of his mother’s widowed heart.

“Let thy widows trust in me.” —Jeremiah 49:11.

It is well!  All that He does, who speaks these touching words, is well.  It is well with you, for He who gave in love, in love has taken away the mercy that He gave.  The companion of your youth, the friend of your bosom, the treasure of your heart, the staff of your riper and the solace of your declining years, is removed, but since God has done it–it is, it must be well.

Look now above the circumstances of your deep and dark sorrow, the second causes of your bereavement, the probable consequences of your loss,–God has done it; and that very God who has smitten, who has bereaved, and who has removed your all of earthy good, now invites you to trust in Him.  Chance has not brought you into this state; accident has not bereft you of your treasure; God has made you a widow that you may confide in the widow’s God.

With your peculiar case the Word of God in a pre-eminent degree sympathizes.  It would seem, indeed, as if a widow’s sorrow and a widow’s desolateness took the precedence of all other bereavements in the Bible.  It is touched with a hand so gentle, it is referred to with a tenderness so exquisite, it is quoted with a solemnity so profound, it would seem as if God had taken the widow’s sorrow, if I may so express myself, into His heart of hearts.

“Ye shall not afflict any widow,” — “He doth execute the judgment of the widow,”–”The sheaf in the field shall be for the widow,”–”He relieveth the widow,”–”He will establish the border of the widow,”–”A judge of the widow is God”–”Plead for the widow,”–”If ye oppress not the widow,”–”Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the widows in their affliction,”–”Let your widows trust in me.” 

What a cluster of divine and precious consolations for the widow is here!  How do their extraordinary appropriateness to her case, their extreme delicacy in dealing with her position, their especial regard for her circumstances; above all, their perfect sympathy with her lonely sorrow, betray the heart from when they flow!

And who is the object of the widow’s trust?  “In ME,” says God.  None less than Himself can meet your case.  He well considers that there is an acuteness in your sorrow, a depth in your loss, a loneliness and a helplessness in your position, which no one can meet but Himself.

The first, the best, the fondest, the most protective of creatures has been torn from your heart, is smitten down at your side; what other creature can now be a substitute?  A universe of beings could not fill the void.  God in Christ only can.  O!  Wonderful thought that the Divine Being should come and embosom Himself in the bereft and bleeding heart of a human sufferer–that bereft and bleeding heart of yours.

He is especially the God of the widow.  And when He asks your confidence, and invites your trust, and bids you lift your weeping eye from the crumbled idol at your feet, and fix it upon Himself, He offers you an infinite substitute for a finite loss; thus, as He ever does, giving you infinitely more than He took; bestowing a richer and a greater blessing than He removed.

He recalled your husband, but He bestows Himself.  And O, the magnitude of this trust!  It is to have infinite power to protect you, infinite wisdom to guide you, infinite love to comfort you, infinite faithfulness at all times to stay by you, and boundless resources to supply your every need.  It is to have the God who made heaven and earth, the God to whom the spirits of all creatures are subject, the God who gave His dear Son to die for you, the God of the everlasting covenant to be your Shield, your Counselor, your Provider, your God forever and ever and your Guide even unto death.

And what are you invited thus to entrust to God?  First, your own self.  It is one of the greatest, as it is one of the most solemn peculiarities of the Gospel, that it deals with us as individuals.  It never, in all the commands it enjoins, and in all the blessings it promises, loses sight of our individuality.  This, then, is a personal confiding.  You are to trust yourself into God’s hands.

God seems not to stand to you in a new relation.  He has always been your Father and your Friend.  To these He now adds the relation of Husband.  Your present circumstances seem to invest you with a new claim, not upon His love–for He has always loved you as He loves you now–but upon His especial, His peculiar, His tender care; the affectionate solicitude of the Husband blending with the tender love of the Father.  You are to flee to Him in your helplessness, to resort to Him in your loneliness, to confide to Him your wants, and to weep your sorrows upon His bosom.

Secondly, your children. “Leave your fatherless children; I will preserve them alive.” A state of half-orphanage is one of peculiar interest to God. A fatherless child is an object of His especial regard and care.

“Thou art the helper of the fatherless,”—“A father of the fatherless is God,”—“Enter not into the field of the fatherless; for their Redeemer is mighty, he will plead their cause with thee.”

Encouraged by this invitation and this promise, take, then, your fatherless ones, and lay them on the heart of God. He has removed their earthly father, that He may adopt them as His own. His promise that He will “preserve them alive,” you are warranted to interpret in its best and widest sense. It must be regarded as including, not temporal life only, but also spiritual life. God never offers us an inferior blessing, when it is in His power to confer, and our circumstances demand, a greater. He will preserve your fatherless ones alive temporarily, providing all things necessary for their present existence; but, infinitely more than this, He will, in answer to the prayer of faith, preserve their souls unto eternal life. Thus it is a promise of the life that now is, and also of that which is to come.

Thirdly, your concerns are to be entrusted to God. These, doubtless, press at this moment with peculiar weight upon your mind. They are new and strange. They were once cared for by one in whose judgment you had implicit confidence, whose mind thought for you, whose heart beat for you, whose hands toiled for you, who in all things sought to anticipate every wish, to reciprocate every feeling; ‘who lessened his cares by your sympathy, and multiplied his pleasures by your participation;’ whose esteem, and affection, and confidence shed a warm and mellow light over the path of life.

These interests, once confided to his judgment and control, must now be entrusted to a wiser and more powerful friend,—to Him who is truly and emphatically the widow’s God. Transferred to His government, He will make them all his own. Your care will be His cares; your concerns will be His concern; your children will be His children; your need the occasion of His supply; and your fears, perils, and dejection, the period of His soothing, protection, and love.

And just at this period of your life, when every object and every scene appears to your view trembling with uncertainty and enshrouded with gloom, God—the widow’s God—speaks in language well calculated to awaken in your soul a song in the night,—“LET THY WIDOWS TRUST IN ME.”

O! have faith, then, in this word of the living God, and all will be well with you. It will be well with your person, it will be well with your children, it will be well with your estate. The God who cared for the widow of Zarephath, the Saviour who had compassion on the bereaved widow of Nain, is your God and Saviour; and the same regard for your interests, and the same sympathy for your sorrow, will lighten your cares and cheer the desolateness of your widowhood. Only trust in God.

Beware of murmuring at His dealings, of doubting His kindness, of distrusting His word, and of so nursing your grief as to refuse the consolation your God and Saviour proffers you. The sweetest joy may yet spring from your bitter, lonely sorrow; and the richest music may yet awake from your unstrung and silent harp.

If a human power and sympathy could “make the widow’s heart to sing for joy,” O! what joy cannot God’s power and love create in that desolate, bleeding, widowed heart of thine. Place it, then, all stricken and lonely as it is, in God’s hands; and, breathing over it His loving Spirit, He will turn its tears, its sighs, its moanings, into the sweetest midnight harmony.

http://www.reformedreader.org/rbb/winslow/godlywidow.htm

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